Why Appreciation and Acceptance is the Best Gift
My mom came to visit us this past weekend. She helped to care for our young kid, brought some groceries, and also expressed her concerns about my career.
Part of her concern was that I was still not yet a “somebody” in my field, and she was afraid that I’ll be following her footsteps and be mistreated or disrespected by those around.
She had these feelings and fears of being looked down upon by peers, and attributed the mistreatment to not having great scholastic achievement. She worked all her life as a university faculty and only recently retired due to age. Not attaining full professorship had been a big regret.
I could see her point, and from the frustrations she apparently was suffering, I could also see why she’s very anxious about me, for still not achieving “status and fame” in my field.
However, having always been more inquisitive and philosophical, and having read books such as “The Anatomy of Peace”, I had other perspectives.
We all want acceptance and appreciation from those around us, as social beings. Part of our nature and core values about ourselves rest on the social judgments of those around us.
This is nothing new and many of us understand that, at an intellectual level.
However, what we exhibit in behaviors, often is to play down the values of others, especially those we see as “different,” “foreign,” or “unfamiliar”. Criticism before having a full understanding is also common.
This produces the effect that as everyone tries to gain positive appreciation and attention from others, they become unsettled, noisy, and try hard to “prove” themselves to be worthy, while possibly playing down the values of the “enemies”.
This negative cycle of self-worth seeking, I believe is the root drivers of many human activities today, towards progress and development.
However, there may be an easier, faster, and more peaceful way to attain what we actually want and desire: to simply appreciate and thank more, to accept and love more, and to feel and appreciate what others have given and done for us more.
That’s much simpler than working the hell out to gain attention and appreciation, to live under constant pressure and fear, and to always be on the watch of being “thrown out” of an acceptance circle.
Will we live a simpler live and play a simpler game? The choice is ours.
