The Power of Empathy
“You’ve probably tried your best.” My wife said. Tears fell down on my face, silently.
We were in a “deep dialogue” about some of the negativity in our life recently. Basically, I did something out of good intent, but ended up hurting her deeply, in ways I didn’t foresee, but were in reality, really painful to her.
She was explaining her pain: she tried hard to support me whenever she could in my startup endeavors, which still are not “stable”. Yet she got back from me something quite unexpected, that hurt her deeply. She felt she was being stupid and silly, in allowing me to pursue my dreams.
I didn’t want to explain or to argue against her perspective, because obviously she was in pain. And frankly, seeing her in pain made me painful as well. I just sat there listened, and tried to understand her perspective.
I recalled that conflicts between people are often caused by putting ourselves in certain “boxes” that limit and bias our perspectives. One way to get out of the box, is to “take off our shoes”, and really to be in the eyes, perspectives, or circumstances of the other party.
In other words, being emphatic.
But maybe more than that. By also being willing to see and admit that everyone, even those with conflicting views/opinions from ours, may be valid in each of our own perspectives.
After all, we all live in worlds shaped by values and experiences, and nobody can really say that one’s values and experiences are necessarily “better” than another. Yet, different values and experiences necessarily will impact how we see and interpret things.
That’s why having a “peaceful”, as opposed to a “warring” heart towards another person, is the first key to understanding and mutual acceptance.
After listening and hearing my wife, without responding much, she might have felt that I finally “understood” her perspective, maybe by my gesture or attitude.
She responded in kind and finally said those few words as we left the restaurant.
Tears dropped from my eyes, because at that moment, I also felt that her words acknowledged that she understood my pain and struggles.
Perhaps the best gift one can give in a complex world, is “understanding.”
